Midnight Mercy

Every December 31st, the closer it gets to the clock striking midnight, anxiety tightens my chest. Worry plays a haunting game in my mind. And this year was no different.

It's funny - even though the last post I shared was about taking off the pressure we put on ourselves during the New Year, I still felt it. I still worried that I’ll make mistakes this year. I can laugh now when I think about having that mindset, but in the moment it was a heavy weight. In that moment of worry, I knew that the only thing that would help was going to God.

I've probably shared this before, but if I'm honest, when overwhelm is echoing through every corner of my mind, and God is calling me to Him, I often push that nudge away and trudge on, trying to live in my own strength. That never seems to work out, even though they say, “Practice makes perfect.”

But here is a beautiful truth: When we show up, He shows up. When we’re desperate, anxious, confused, lonely, and hurt, He shows up and with gentle, compassion calms our hearts.

I felt that the other night. Even though I knew that in the days ahead the waves would try to rage against me, lions would still thunder towards me, self-doubt would still cackle at the twisted tricks he tries to play on me... when I chose to quiet the chaos and sit with my Jesus, something inside me changed.

As I journaled with Him the other night, I told Him how I put pressure on myself to be perfect. He met me in that moment and used a song - that I've listened to and sang many times but just then took the time to hear each word - to remind me that He is Almighty God, that He is compassionate and kind, slow to anger, and patient.

What I want to take from that reminder is that He is going to be with me throughout each day of this new year.

• When I fall down, He will help me back up and heal the scrapes and bruises.

• When I walk in my flesh and hurt others, He will give me the strength to do what I can to make things right.

• When the doubts and lies come (because I know that they will) He will speak truth over me and teach me to hear His voice above anything else.
  

I want His voice to be loudest one I hear this year. Because of that, I've chosen the word "Release" to focus on for 2026. I don't want to hold so tightly to my past and the mistakes I've made, that I can't reach for Him or walk in the freedom He has given me because of the blood of Jesus.

Do you have a verse or word you want to hold onto and carry with you this year? And if you want to share, what made you choose it specifically?